Break it down Mofo

Hello , I am a magician. Not your Crowley type sitting around with funny hats and chasing naked women around. Nor am I the type at kids parties spangling waist-coat type. More of a card trick type of magician.

 

The first trick (magicians get arsey and call them effects) was a terrible long drawn out affair, with four jacks being burglars. I can’t remember how to do it now, maybe for the best. But from there I learnt all types of magic ; mind reading Derren Brown style, making cards appear at my finger tips, dicking about with coins, napkins, a metal cup and a ball.

 

Then I found the esoteric world of the con man. I dedicated great swathes of time learning; dealing cards from the bottom of the deck, the second card of the deck, cutting the cards and keeping the deck in order, stacking while shuffling and even dealing the second card from the bottom. Most people in the magic world would tell you that these are difficult moves to pull off. And yes I did spend years learning them until I could do them.

 

I am not telling you this to show off , quite the opposite. I have rather small hands and stubby fingers so it took a while to learn.

 

The problem is all these hours of practise, I don’t enjoy showing these skills off. I use them as a meditation. It not really my thing to show my skills to the lay public and most magicians find the skill set boring.

 

But it does show that if you put time and effort in to something, you may become proficient. The easy way to do this is to break down each skill down. To it’s key parts.

 

I learnt to juggle, the prescribed way. To juggle you need one ball, you throw it hand to hand in an arc. Once you are comfortable with this you add a second ball, throw one ball then the second. Then you add a third ball. You break it all down and after awhile you are juggling. My brother decided steps one and two wasn’t juggling and took 3 balls. He did discover the law of gravity that day, but he didn’t learn to juggle.

 

So imagine if a problem you have, or obstacle to overcome, what then? Well you have the meta problem. That’s probably the nucleus of a lot of smaller problems. So if you work out the small things. The larger part don’t seem so daunting.

 

Things are only as difficult as we want them to be. If we manifest difficulty we end up with difficulty. After all you can spend 20 minutes moaning about something , or you could use that 20 minutes to overcome it.

 

 

You are not special

You’re not special , you may think you are but you are not. You may have a fancy car, nice house and a trophy wife. You may even have two wonderful kids and a pedigree dog. A lofty job title and money in the bank. On the other hand you might have fuck all, not a thing in your life there maybe any absence of money , friends or dogs. But either way you are not special.

 

Either end of the spectrum you are not special. You are normal. Because you either want to obtain all them riches or keep hold of them of them if you have them. So if everyone is after that, it becomes normal and therefore being normal is not being special.

 

You have been told you are special , unique or one in a million. But millions of you are told that every day of your life. Why are you special? What have you done that is special that no one else has done? You might have been the first to eat 25 doughnuts in 10 seconds but does that make you special?

 

Do you feel special? Do you feel that ; you can do it, no matter what? Or do you feel it’s all mundane and no matter how many times this gets reinforced . You are still depressed? Why should you be depressed? You got it all. The wife, the kids, car, house. Are you happy? Or do you just own things? You have all this, you have been told you are special but in fact you are normal.

 

How do you feel being normal rather than special? It doesn’t make sense does it? There is nothing wrong with being normal. That’s how we base the world . Even the eccentrics out there are not special they are just after what makes you normal, but using another medium to find it. They want money, they want to be noticed. So we are all normal.

 

What if I told you, you could be special and it’s easy. Stop wanting to be normal. And instead of that, look for what would make you happy. Don’t use possessions to guide your emotions, but find how to be happy with n your mind. A simple shift.

 

Most people chase money thinking that will lead to happiness , the thing the don’t realise is that money and happiness are not on the same track.

Ban this sick filth

During the 80’s the establishment didn’t like horror films. They even had a list of ones you couldn’t watch. During the 90’s it was Rap and Rock music with them swear words in. You know the ones , if you use them the moral fabric of the world will rip apart. In the early 2000’s they was after the computer games. Didn’t like the computer games no sir.

 

The idea was , the public at large were unhinged and would go on mass killing sprees due to being brainwashed by the media. The government took the population for idiots and they was wrong, go us. Actually studies show if someone is unhinged enough to go on a rampage they will do it any way : http://www.escapistmagazine.com/news/view/125351-New-Study-Dismisses-Link-Between-Violence-and-Videogames

 

So as we move along the 2000’s the government have decided to : use an opt in for porn on the internet. That’s right you have to ring someone up if you want to watch porn. Now before you all get on your high horses and tell me how bad porn is, if you read this blog you know :

 

1. Freedom of speech and expression is something I hold dear.
2. Censorship is wrong for the mainstream, there is stuff that should obviously be banned.

 

 

Porn is not the point by the way. It is the censorship that is the problem. How long before certain books are banned? Orwell’s prophecy that was 1984. Or V for vendetta? You may like or dislike porn, but people have to be free to watch what they want. How long be for Eastenders becomes a big government propaganda piece? Or banned.

 

Freedom of speech and freedom of expression is what we need. Before we become North Korea.

 

Explore your own ideas on censorship. How long before movies, games and music are again are cut to ribbons, by the moral police?

 

What ever happend to the working class?

I am from Hoxton, not that trendy Hoxton from the Timeout and the Guardian but the real Hoxton. When I was a kid you told someone you was going to Hoxton square after dark, you was met with a steely gaze and the local mental hospital was informed.

 

For Hoxton back then could have been described as a bit “Tasty”. Muggings and murders dominated the local press. There was no Byron burgers or clubs with guest lists. Instead it was knives and brasses turning tricks. The hair cut , wasn’t a floppy “ironic” do , it is now. No it was a number 1 crew cut. And glasses had glass in them, not just a pair of frames. If you was wearing pink skinny trousers and a plaid shirt back then ;chances are you was a probability you was of to the London Apprentice.

 

Back then the most important building in Hoxton was the DHSS, followed by the Job centre and then the Pie and mash shop. A proper style one it was too, saw dust on the floor and populated with thieves and con men. Oddly enough it is next to the undertakers. The Pie shop still stands a symbol of the old east London. Amongst it’s celebrity chef restaurants and a gastro pubs. Pubs back then was a spit and saw dust affair. You went to Hoxton 20 years ago and that’s what it was, old time east London. Yes it was sometimes daunting; after all a lot of the working class types can be right cunts at times. But it’s old London.

 

It’s changed now, Hipsters in their early twenties to their late should know betters and get a real job. Have sort of turned it in to a ghetto of middle-class artist. The working class, not the underclass as that is something completely different are getting priced out of their homes. Listed canal side buildings are being torn down and turned in to studios. At the price of history after all the Hipster movement will die and it will be an embarrassing blight on society. One day the shit hair cuts, stupid clothes, bad tattoo, the faux intellectual will be gone. But it will also take a couple of hundred years of history with it too. Down the drain, for fashion.

 

The canal warehouses, the stables , the factories and the history are just as culturally important to London and England as the Pyramids are for Egypt. When did people who couldn’t fight there way out of a paper bag, get to ruin it for the rest of us? And what happened to the working class?

They are fighting for your freedom

 

“They’re fighting for your freedom.” That is what one gets told when he says ; “I am not really a fan of the wars in the Middle East.” People attempt to brow beat you, call you unpatriotic and tell you “If you don’t like why don’t you fuck off over there then?”

 

In the UK on the Armistice it’s traditional to remember the fallen in wars past and present. How we do that in the UK is to wear a paper and plastic facsimile of a poppy. It is a great taboo not to. We get told : You must wear one. You have to remember the dead of all wars. If it wasn’t for the sacrifice made, you would be speaking German by now. And a few other clichés thrown in for good measure.

 

The irony of it is ; we go to war for freedom and peace, to bring democracy to countries who don’t have it , if they want or not. But what freedom? War now is a profit making exercise. From the arms companies lobbying government , newspapers telling the exploits of war and all the wonderful corporations in the country who have juicy M.O.D contracts. If we really want to show our support for “our brave boys” shouldn’t buy shares in the companies? And instead of a poppy wear our dividend on our coats?

 

The First and Second world war were a mixed bag of conscripts and people who volunteered. Now days the wars we fight are made-up by people who sign-up for it. But we must support them after all “They’re fighting for your freedom”

 

They are not fighting for your freedom. They are fighting for profits and millionaires. They might have joined the military for noble reasons. But the government(s) who send them to war, they are not fighting a noble cause. Sent to war by government(s) who have spent more time eroding your freedom than ; Iraq of Afghanistan ever have.

 

No one is fighting for your freedom. Don’t allow the tabloid press and the chest beaters argue any different. I leave you with this : In the middle east when they had an uprising it was dubbed “The Arab spring” when we had mass riots in the UK it was called “Mindless thugs causing trouble” If they was fighting for freedom why do people get arrested over silly tweets and facebook status updates?

Training again

Thursday I am going do something I haven’t done in almost a year. I am about to step on to training mats at a MMA gym and take my first lesson in 10 months in Brazilian Ju-jitsu. I stopped due to having asthma but now I am feeling better and not getting young I am going slip on my trusty old blue gi and see where I get.

 

Hopefully I wont find it too hard after my hiatus and I was thinking if I didn’t take this break how good would I be by now? I can wallow in self pity like that or get of my arse and do something. I have chosen the latter.

 

But what was your passion that you have given up on? Why did you give it up? And even though your circumstances have changed why have you not got back in to it?

 

Nine times out of ten it is ; laziness. I am guilty of it too, if it wasn’t for the constant badgering from one of my friends/training partners I would be not getting on the mats either.

 

Find your passion again and find something that motivates you back in to it. Tv, radio, youtube , friends , family or even me and this blog. But your self in gear and step up. You aren’t getting any younger and the depression is getting worse isn’t it?

 

If you have lost your passion find it. If you can’t be bothered get motivated. We can take this approach in aspect of life. We can even use our passions to fuel us to get out of the crappy job cycle. If you stall get going again. Fish die if they stop moving and so do we.

What are you chasing ?

What are you chasing? The correct answer should be happiness and that happiness shouldn’t be measure of wealth. It should be a measure of well being.

Money wise I do ok, I skirt around being middle class I don’t earn huge amounts but then again if I want a take-away I order one up or a new pair of shoes I go to Clarks. I’ve never been money motivated and am still not. The more I earn the more I get depressed. It is not some kind of social injustice switch in me, far from it. I am not sure what it is :

“I’ve been happy poor and miserable rich”

Think about that above quote. For me it’s true , now I am earning it doesn’t seem too great this having money lark. At school it’s an onslaught off “you must do well” , “get a good job” , “It’s no good being poor” and why is it not? Look at celebrities all the money in the world and they go off the rails. Because deep down they enter a form of melancholy that their money can’t buy them out of.

We can chase the next pay increase and what do we want after that? Another 5k and what do you sell for that? Deep down you know , you are selling your time. That time with your wife or your kids. When you are on your death bed from chasing the dream of money you will wish you didn’t spend the long cold nights in the office because ; Dave from accounts wanted you to do over time. No you will think “fuck if only I could have ten more minutes with my wife”. And all because you wanted money and not real happiness

Once we chase the money , we have sold-out we stop becoming us. Even if you have the things in life that makes you happy how much time do you get to do it? You work 40 hours a week and spend two playing guitar or whatever makes you happy. Is that a fair trade off? Of course not but you do it.

Find yourself a job that gives you the time to be happy. Or you will end up spending great swathes of time being depressed. Work to live don’t live to work. Chase the thing that makes you happy otherwise you are running the wrong way all your life.

Rule number one of life , is you are going to die. Accept that and you will find what to chase. Bentleys, big houses, the latest iphone , handbags or must have lipstick. Wont make you happy because if it did why do you buy the next one when it comes out? Chasing money turns people in to nasty horrible zombies. And you don’t want “Horrible zombie” on you tombstone

What makes you wealthy is not how much money you earn or your posessions it’s how few people call you a cunt during your life. And how happy you are.

Love of money is not the root of evil, but it can be the root of misery.

Goals…

Do you remember when you was in school? You was going to be something , wasn’t you? Did you make it? Are you doing something you hate, living a life you don’t want to?

 

The answer to the above is probably yes. But why ? Why didn’t we achieve them goals? I think for the most part it’s easy. We started with large goals and then made them smaller or moved them altogether.

 

The problem with most of us is we are lazy we have a put up with attitude. That’s why we get trapped in lives we don’t deserve. We might be heading for a goal and then something comes up , that is not exactly what we want but , we will take it as a stop gap. And then all your goals have moved and what you want has changed completely. We get hooked on the short-term and end up getting locked in on the long term.

 

Once we are locked in , it becomes a metaphoric prison. It’s hard to get out of after that. A this will do attitude, is what holds you back. Go for exactly what you want instead. Don’t make do, get where you want to be or need to be. It’s your life why put your self in prison?

 

Some people will tell you we need people to do manual labour , empty our bins and clean-up after us. Quite frankly these people who say such things are snobby middle-class cunts. If that is what people are happy with, then let them do it. What we need to do is remove the stigma or certain jobs and celebrate a work ethic.

 

If that’s your goal to be a cleaner then go for it. If your goal is to be a doctor then go for that. Go for your goals don’t let the smaller stop-gaps move you off what you want. Get where you need to be. You only live once don’t let your self spend it being depressed and never achieving what you want.

3 ball Zen

I like to juggle. I am not good at juggling and I can only juggle 3 balls , in a very basic pattern. But I like to juggle none the less. Juggling is a useless skill, for the most part, the idea of keeping 3 objects in the air doesn’t seem a useful skill at all.

Throwing 3 balls about may seem to others and maybe even you, a waste of time. I would agree it doesn’t achieve much. But it leads to a moment of connection. When you are throwing 3 balls up in to the air and catching each one there is a physical connection as well as mental connection.

There is a moment, a rhythm , a fading out of my surroundings and a thud of each ball as I catch it. This leads for me a me a Zen like moment. I am connected to everything and nothing at the same time. It is a strange concept to put in to words but that’s as best as I can describe it.

For this Zen moment I like to take at least 5 minutes of my day to connect. I get a sense of achievement and a mood bust all in one. Of course when I drop the balls I lose this connection, but I have got in to the moment enough to be “one” with what I am doing.

Now I am not going to tell you, juggle life will be great. It wont we both know that. But what I am saying is find you juggling. Be it , a performance art, martial arts, writing or anything else. Find that one thing, or two or even 3 that you can find your Zen moment in. Play with it and enjoy it. Then add a more difficult element to it and then you will find your moment again.

Do something you enjoy each day no matter how long your day as been. You are never too busy to improve yourself. Find that connection and take that buzz and use it for something you can channel it for.

Flow mofo

“You need to find yourself young Mark”

A friend of mine said that to me the other day. I know where I am , but I am not sure where I am if that makes sense. Thinking about it and talking to another friend who has a certain neuroses  in social situations, I then figured it out.

You need to find an outlet. If you imagine your mind as a water tank ; if you don’t turn the tap on and let the water come out, the water inside that tank become stagnant and starts to grow parasites. You need to flow and create something.

If you stagnate that’s when life gets to you and you worry about everything. Stop thinking about going forward and go forward. You can sit in a car all day and think it to move but it wont unless you put it gear and that is the same with life.

Go forward find your self and don’t stagnate. How long have you got on this earth really? If you think about how far you need to go forward with out moving you are going no where. Think of every year a mile to travel if you start travelling at 30 and you are 35 now you only have travelled 5 miles. But if you started at 20 and you are now 35 you have gone 15 miles.

Move your self. Don’t get bogged down and move forward. After all the number 1 rule of life is : one day you are going to die and that’s when you stop moving permanently